Mom

Today Mom got her second big toe on her left foot amputated.

She has had diabetes for a little under ten years now and her legs and feet have been suffering the most with open wounds that take a long time to heal. A while ago, her legs had blisters develop and she had to eventually go to the wound center to try and help them heal. After a few weeks of going there, on top of her left foot, some severe blisters developed. They were so sever that the blisters on her second big toe went all the way to her bone. This is where the blister got an infection in her toe.

I’ve been helping Mom dress her wounds every day ever since she has been going to the wound clinic. They wrap her legs, which stay wrapped until the next visit, but they have me redress the foot blisters every day to keep it clean. I’ve enjoyed helping Mom in this way. But I just have the inkling that I might have been one of the causes for the infection in her toe. I feel so paranoid thinking I wasn’t sanitary every time I redressed her wounds. Everyone tells me it wasn’t my fault, but I would feel awful if it was me that caused her to lose her toe.

After spending the majority of the day with Mom, she seems to be doing well considering all that’s happened. She has been in good spirits and has been looking on the bright side of things. I am simply astounded at how brave and strong Mom is. She is absolutely resilient. After losing her son, her husband and now her toe, she still never forgets her Savior. Just knowing Mom, I feel like I know what Heavenly Mother must be like.

Mati

Today is Matisse’s birthday. She turned 25! Matisse is the best big sister, ever. Seriously. I look up to her in everything. She is the one that I turn to when I need help with any design projects because she is such an astounding designer. She is also my best travel buddy. Especially for road trips. Just last semester we drove to Canada together for a Dostoevsky conference at the University of Vancouver. Road tripping with your best friend is one of the best things you can do. While the conference was pretty boring (the scholarly lectures were next to impossible to follow), we had an amazing time in Canada. That was the first time I ever went to Canada. It was also my first time getting a passport. Oh man, such good memories. It was weird though because we went to a park with a lot of hiking trials, we randomly ran into her ex-boyfriend. Of all of the places in the world, at that exact moment we ran into her ex-boyfriend. We weren’t too stoked about that, but the hike we went on was very pleasant.

Matisse is just the best. She makes impulse decisions and lives life. Seriously though, the trip to Canada was a spur of the moment trip, but is one of the best things I have ever done in my life. I feel so fortunate to be Matisse’s sister––she makes life exciting.

Positivity

One of the hardest things to do in life is to stay positive. It’s just hard. Since we aren’t perfect, we can easily point out our flaws. In fact, we find faults in ourselves too easily. It seems easier to do than to point out our strengths.

With all of the challenges that come with life, it is a much easier option to want to shrivel up, become a recluse, and not want to do anything. Hiding from our problems seems like an easy way to go. But ultimately, it benefits us nothing.

While we all naturally have the Light of Christ in us, we often forget about how natural being good can be. We become so polluted from the influences of the world that we think choosing the negative, bad choices is the easier route. The more natural route.

I guess that being good is so much harder because it means we are reaching perfection––something we don’t naturally do as mortals. God knows we struggle with this on a daily basis. So naturally he gives us more challenges. More challenges to bring out our natural goodness that is inside of us all. It’s just hard to realize who we really are as spirit sons and daughters of God. But through these earthly trials, we come to better know who we and God are, breaking the cycle of the natural man and realizing our potential in achieving perfection.

Plans

Well, it turns out that Sam won’t be moving out in March after all. Dang it. I sound like a bad sister––I do love my brother, but it just would have been nice to help him move all of his things out. Oh the clean spaces we would have had! I guess it will happen eventually––my plans are just going to have to be put on hold.

In other news, when Lex and Aaron will move back in March, they will be staying in our next door neighbors’ basement apartment until their current house sitters will find another place to live. It’ll be really fun to have them live next door for once. The Yorks are some of the best friends we have; they are so generous, caring, genuine and just such wholesome people.

Welp…I don’t have a lot to say today…

This morning I broke the record for the longest I have ever slept in. I suppose that my body was just so exhausted from this last week that it need to have an intense recuperation. I ended up sleeping in until 2:00 pm. I feel sheepish even saying that. I just hope that this next week will be a better week for sleep.

Introverted

College is challenging, but good. I am very grateful that I am able to go to BYU and receive an education here. I just never imagined how difficult it could be at times.

I am not a social person. I want to be, but I always clam up. I have always struggled with making friends, speaking up, sharing comments in my classes, or really just talking to any groups of people. However, if ever I am in a small group of other quiet people, I usually thrive. I just can’t handle being in a large social classroom setting where I am required to talk or am looked at as strange for never saying anything. The worst part is when someone points out that I haven’t made a comment yet. Whenever they say that, it’s “thank you captain obvious.” Why do so many people feel the need to point out the introverts and make them feel uncomfortable? If I ever feel the pressing need to share my opinion, I will. But there is not benefit in talking if it is all mindless babble.

It is especially hard for me when the teacher grades me on my participation (a.k.a. whether or not I talk). It’s challenging to be an introvert in an extroverted classroom. However, while I don’t say much in class, I am still learning. I learn by listening in class. Not many teachers, or students, understand that.

Being extroverted is one way to learn and being introverted is another. Everyone needs to take a chill pill and realize that while introverts might not be the most vocal or outgoing all of the time, they are still learning and progressing but just in a different way. Being extroverted is not the only way to live life. I wish more people understood that.

Lex and Aaron

Today Alexis announced that she and Aaron are moving back to Provo!!! And they will be moving back next month!!! For the past while Aaron has been looking for a job. He has considered taking jobs that are located in places like California, Florida, and Spain. I seriously thought they would go to the job in California, but it turns out that Aaron’s friend from school has a new business that is doing really well. He offered Aaron a promising job and so now they are coming back to their home in Provo.

I am especially excited that Lex and Aaron are coming back because now whenever they will have kids, they will have family around to help. I love little kids and I have offered multiple times to babysit their kids whenever they need. Oh man, just the thought of me becoming an aunt sounds so wonderful. Since I am the youngest in the family and don’t have any younger siblings, I never got to enjoy being a big sister. However, I have babysat the most out of my sisters (and still do) and one of my current jobs is being a mother’s assistant, so I do have good experience with little kids and babies. I just really want a niece or nephew because then I don’t have to feel so self-conscious whenever I am around someone else’s baby who is not family. All in all, I am super excited that they are moving back!

Russian Test

I’ve said this so many times before, but I am saying it again: Russian is hard. It is hard for me to stay focused on learning the language when I don’t have a mission I need to learn it for or that I have a specific purpose in mind for why I am wanting to learn it.

My sister Matisse was the one who encouraged me to take Russian. I signed up to have one of her favorite professors (really all of the Russian faculty are her favorite). Russian 101 was simple and fun. It was an interesting intro into Russian. But Russian 102 now is when the honeymoon is over. Things are beginning to get serious and now is the time when you decide if you want to continue doing it or not. I honestly don’t know if I want to, though.

Tomorrow is my Russian oral test. I can’t speak that well so I am really nervous. For some reason, when it comes to learning Russian, my mind blanks on everything. When I was learning Spanish and French, I could remember things easily. It felt so much simpler speaking both of those languages too. I just hope that as I practice speaking Russian more, things will come more easily. I hope I will be able to remember what case endings are needed in specific situations and just that I can simply understand what the person is saying. I feel like I am going at a snails’ pace. Not even a turtle that when it goes slow and steady it wins the race, but rather a snail. Who knows when it will win the race––if it ever does.

Lotion

Over the past year I have come to appreciate lotion. I used to despise putting the buttery slippy slime on my skin, but now I apply it almost every day. 

I suppose that my love and appreciation for lotion began last spring when my aunt gave me a tube of lotion from Bath and Body Works after helping her with one of her college assignments. Usually whenever someone gives me scented lotion, I think it smells good the first time I smell it but then I grow to despise it after a couple of uses. However, this lotion she gave me has been my all-time favorite. I actually used up the whole tube which is really rare for me.

Before I discovered the magical effect of lotion, I never used it. Ever. As a result, I always had really dry skin. My hands were especially dry and cracked during the winter. Every year it would be so bad that my hands would itch, crack and bleed. It became a commonality for me each year. But now I apply lotion every time I shower.

It’s funny how when I think I really despise something, it turns out becoming one of my favorite things.

Talking

Sitting around and talking with my siblings about any topic that comes to mind is simply the best. We usually sit and talk the most on either holidays or during Sunday dinner each week.
We start the conversation by talking about how our days went and then go from there. We follow any new topic that is presented in the conversation.

Today, one interesting topic of conversation we came across was the genetic skin condition we all have. The condition is called Keratosis Pilaris. According to Wikipedia, it “is a common, autosomal dominant, genetic follicular condition characterized by the appearance of rough, slightly red bumps on light skin and brown bumps on darker skin.” I never knew that this skin condition we all had was genetic, but it finally all makes sense. Apparently, it is supposed to fade away when you are around the age of 30. Also, exfoliating is supposed to help it not be as noticeable.

Today, we also talked about what kinds of music we like. We reminisced about when we first had our iPods and the first music we listened to (I had the gold brick iPod in 1st grade and was the only first grader who had one––how the times have changed). All of the music I had on my iPod was from Dad’s iPod. So I had Billy Joel, James Taylor, Chicago, Enya, MoTab, Neil Diamond, Mozart, Faith Hill, and so many more. These artists were the only ones I listened to for a very long time, and I thought they were cool. However, once Spencer was old enough to develop his own taste in music, we younger siblings followed his lead. I still love to listen to the artists Dad introduced me to, though––they’re classics.

Deadline

A few days ago I told Mom and Chris about how I need to write a blog post each day before midnight, and ever since then, they have been reminding me at 11:00 to write my post if I haven't already. Every night it is a group effort to wake me up and tell me that I need to hurry and write my post. It’s actually been really helpful since I often fall asleep before I writing a post.

Tonight, Sam threw a blanket at me from the living room into the study where I am and knocked down the (old) vase of flowers. The water from the vase splashed all over my blanket and the flowers fell out and sprinkled pollen everywhere. The worst part is that those flowers were really old and the water was starting to get all nasty and murky. The flowers were pretty dried up and were beginning to stink, too. Now the ground in front of the couch stinks and it is giving me a head ache. Great.
…
Yesterday, I introduced Mom to one of my favorite shows on Netflix: Longmire. At first she told me that she didn’t like it and wanted to watch a comedy, but in the end I think I got her hooked. Now she is standing in the kitchen binge-watching season three. I’m a great daughter.

Rain, Yellow, Walk

I don’t know what to write.
…
I like the rain a lot. It feels refreshing to have water fall from the sky. Rain smells so good. I also love the way everything looks outside after it has rained; the trees, grass, and flowers are all a little bit greener, the roads are shiny with water, cars are laced with beads of water––everything looks beautiful.
…
I like the color yellow. I have never considered it to be one of my favorite colors since first grade, but it is growing on me again. I especially love yellow flowers; they always make me feel happy and excited about the spring time. “Yellow” is synonymous with “happy” in my book.
…
Walking is pretty great. Ever since I crashed on my bike coming home from school last semester, I have been walking to school. (Something about the thought of riding again gets me a little bit nervous.) While I do have to leave a lot earlier than when my class starts, I enjoy walking in the chilly morning air. It’s just better to walk and enjoy the little travel, instead of rushing through it on a bike. (I enjoy longer bike rides, though.)
…
Well, that’s all I can come up with.

The Couch

Whenever my body becomes tired, everything shuts down and there is no stopping the urge to sleep. I often find myself in the position to need to sleep whenever I am doing my homework on the study couch. In other words, I fall asleep on the couch a lot. “Couch” is basically synonymous with “bed” for me. I swear, the couch is the sandman himself. I just can’t help myself when I am feeling tired and am sitting on it––I just go to sleep. Now the challenge for my family members is that I am a really heavy sleeper. So whenever they try to wake me up to actually go to bed, I don’t hear them at all. My sister told me that on one occasion she began “booping” my nose, but I didn’t even do as much as flinch. On another occasion while I was at Mati’s house doing homework, I fell into a deep sleep on her bed. She told me that she began to bounce on the bed next to my face calling my name in hopes of waking me up. The crazy thing is that I have no recollection of that event whatsoever. My family can get desperate at times, but I can’t blame them.

The common warning signs for when I am about to fall asleep is when I feel cold, when I wrap up in a blanket, when I get a bit grouchy, and when I don’t feel like doing anything but sleep. It’s funny because just a few minutes ago, Mom woke me up on the couch (a rare event) to write this blog post. Usually nothing in this world would get me up off of the couch, but the act of writing my blog post every night has become a habit…and there is also a grade attached to it, so I guess that is a motivating factor too.

Singing

Singing is such an intriguing thing to think about. While singing is basically talking, it is a different form that all people can listen to, enjoy, connect to, and feel something with. If you ever see a person singing, they always get into; whether it be by closing their eyes, moving their hands around or moving their bodies. It’s interesting how just a change in tone can create something so different. Just the idea of singing is mind bending. As humans, we take pleasure in changing our voices. We find it to be a form of artistic expression, a way to share a short powerful message or an outlet to express how we feel.

In the Mormon culture, I never gave a second thought to how singing is integrated into our lives so deeply. Every Sunday we sing at least three songs, we have choirs, we have songs to go with scriptures, and so much more. It makes you ask why singing is one thing that can make us feel the Spirit. I’ve never thought about how singing is important to Heavenly Father. But it is a form of worship. We don’t only give talks, lessons, or read the scriptures to learn about and testify of Christ, we also sing about it. I find that to be so fascinating.

Birds and Squirrels

Anytime I am over at Matisse’s house to get help with Russian, I always get distracted by Dasha. She is so fluffy, sleek, small, vocal, and irresistible. I usually start doing my homework an hour after I go over because I just want to snuggle and play with Dahsa all night.

Tonight, was interesting. Since Matisse lives in a basement apartment, she only has one window. It is a good sized window, but you can never fully see the outdoors because it looks out to a dirt pit it was placed into. This makes it hard for Dasha to peer through the window to marvel at all of the blades of grass, trees, bugs, and occasional birds. The poor cat never goes outside because the last time she went outside, she was nearly lost forever.

To lighten Dasha’s grumpy mood tonight, Olivia decided to play her a cat video that consisted of birds and squirrels sitting in a green field eating nuts and berries most likely supplied by the camera crew that filmed them. It was heart breaking, but quite humorous to watch Dasha go full on huntress mode. She would crouch, staring at the birds or squirrels, observe them for a while, and then pounce at the screen. She would also sit patiently and slowly paw at one of the birds trying to grab it and eat it. Her little meows were pretty dang cute, but when you thought about the reason behind her meowing, it made you feel guilty and sad inside.

Overall though, I think Dasha enjoyed watching the birds and squirrels on the screen. I just wish she would actually be able to go outside and experience it fully. Talk about the struggles of being an indoor cat.

Valentine's Day

For the past few years, Valentine’s Day has been pretty suck-y. Valentine’s Day 2015 was just three weeks after Dad died. Valentine’s Day 2016 was when we had to put our beloved cat of 11 years, Cato down because of a painful tumor in her stomach. And today, I have too much HW to actually enjoy myself. Stink.

And yet, I continue to say that I actually like Valentine’s Day. Why? I don’t even know. However, Valentine’s Day 1986 was when Dad proposed to Mom, so I guess that is an influencing factor…

Well…right now I am trying to procrastinate writing my papers for this class (Writing 150) and for my Book of Mormon class. Gosh, I need to work on my procrastination problem.

Just barely one of Mom’s friends of 20+ years came to see her. She is really sweet, caring, and her voice sounds like the Chessie from The Parent Trap (the housemaid to the dad). It is oddly comforting to hear her voice. But really, she is an amazing individual.

Now I don’t know what to say.

Sam and Myrtle just left to go to the Macaroni Grill for their special, “romantic” dinner. Neither of them of very romantic, so it will be an interesting evening for them. JK. However, Sam told me why they were going to the Macaroni Grill: he simply likes their bread. He told me his concerns about the waiters being too busy that they won’t bring them more bread throughout the evening. Ha! :D

Any who, I have to go do my other HW now.

Moving Out

As I mentioned before, Sam and Myrtle are getting married on May 6th. It has been a weird, but exciting past few weeks. I am still befuddled that Sam is getting married; I have to keep pinching myself. But really, I am happy for them.

Watching Sam and Myrtle go through the trouble of finding married housing has been stressing me out. However, today they signed the contract for an apartment (which they haven’t even toured). After countless hours touring apartments and filing out applications, they just jumped at the offer and got the place right away. No hassle. Sam is set to move in on March 4th, and goodness me, I cannot tell you how ready I am for it to be March 4th already. Sam is an amazing brother, don’t get me wrong, but all of his biking gear is all over the house. He has his bike and his roller set up in the kitchen along his various bike boxes. Also, he has so many exercise clothes and jerseys laying around in the bathroom and kitchen. It will also be nice when he moves out because he will take a few pieces of furniture that have been making our house feel cluttered. So it’s a win that they got a place to live, and it’s a win that he will take all of his biking things and the extra furniture. Thank heavens for this day.

Sunday Dinner

I am the one who makes Sunday dinner now. (I also usually make dinner on the weekdays, if I have time.) Dad used to always do Sunday dinner, but now the torch has been passed on to me. Through this experience, I have come to love cooking. Before Dad got sick, I rarely made dinner. Every week on Saturday, though, Dad would make a menu for the week and would try to involve all of us in making dinner by assigning each of us a day to prepare it. This was really the time when I came to enjoy cooking. I loved finding new recipes to try, new cooking techniques to learn and how to cook with new ingredients I had never used before. Cooking really is just ongoing experimentation, and I guess that is what I like about it so much. Since we have to eat everyday, we might as well find new (and preferably healthy) ways to fulfill that requirement. It’s pretty amazing to learn about nutrition and what is good for you to ingest into your body. When you think about it, we are just stewards to out bodies gifted to us by Heavenly Father, so we need to take care of them, and cooking, for me, is one way I like to keep my, and my family’s bodies healthy and happy.

Missing You

Hey Dad,

I can’t tell you enough just how much I miss you. I still have your funeral program sitting on my dressing table in my bedroom. Every morning I get up, I see your picture, and each time, a part of me just wants to sit and cry all day. I know that you were meant to leave us, but it is still unbelievably hard to try and live with that fact. I keep thinking of all of the times that your wise counsel is needed. I just need to hear your voice again. I just need another hug from you. I just need another father’s blessing from you. I just need you, Dad. I am being selfish right now, but I just need you. Please.

I like to read from your set of scriptures. Simply reading the little notes you made in your margins is comforting to me. I also like to read your Missionary Letters book you wrote about your mission correspondence with your family. I continuously discover new things about you when I read it, which helps me to cope with you being gone.

I feel like I’m grasping at straws. I keep trying to find more things that remind me of you because I just can’t stand not having you here. I know that you can still be there for me even from the other side, but I wish you were here so I could give you a hug and kiss goodnight and tell you “I love you and will see you in the morning.” I wish I could sing along to the Disney Zorro episodes with you. I wish I could do Saturday yard work with you. I wish I could do design projects with you. I wish I could have FHE with you and the family. I wish I could hear your calm, reassuring voice. I wish cancer would just go suck it and that you were still here.

I miss you Dad and I love you.

Love,
Hannah

Lexi

Tonight Chris, Matisse, and I all went to drop off Alexis at the airport to go back home to Boston. Lexi came out to help Mom with her health and to help her clean out the house. She was originally planning to stay until the end of March, but Aaron couldn't really stand being a bachelor with two cats for that long. I do applaud him for how long he lasted without Lexi (even though his diet consisted of Cap'n Crunch, Twizzlers and Doritos). I've never been married, or much less in a relationship, so I can't really say I know how they felt being separated for so long.

When Lexi was here, she was my short term roommate at home. I had to rearrange the furniture in my bedroom, set up another bed and clear out two drawers for her to put her clothes in. While that wasn't the funnest thing to do, it was awesome to have her home again. I miss sharing the bedroom with Lexi, Mati and Olivia. It was always so nice when all of us would get nestled into our beds and then talk to each other about life in general. It was great to have that again when Lexi came. She is awesome to talk to, and I will miss talking to her every night, but hey: she's married now and lives on the other side of the county. I'll just have to make do with the face time calls every Sunday night.

Wood

When you think about it, wood is pretty amazing. It’s a natural resource that you can use for so many different reasons. Just look around the room you are currently sitting in––it is next to impossible not find something that doesn’t have something to do with wood. Sitting here in my study, the things that I see that are wooden are: a hippo statue, a zebra statue, built-in bookshelves, a coffee table, the entertainment center, the cabinets, the couch, the chairs, the side tables, the lamps, the clock, the picture frames, the wood molding, the printer paper, all of the pages in the books on the shelves, the board game boxes and the Bolivian people statues. The majority of things are made out of wood.

The hardest part about wood being really versatile is that we don’t have an unlimited supply of trees to use. Trees are always in demand, but it becomes a problem since we can’t cut down all of the trees in the world. (Interestingly, IKEA alone uses 1% of the world’s commercial wood supply.) Trees are essential for producing oxygen, creating habitats, cleaning the air, being natural wind breakers, creating essential shade in the summer time, and bringing beauty to the earth.

Spring

I am so ready for spring. This winter has been everything I had hoped for, but ever since the moment I first embraced the warm weather of the season, I have been begging for spring to come. I am ready for the lighter evenings, the lengthy lounges out on the green lawn, badminton games in the evening with my family, strolls around the neighborhood, bike rides around town, Sunday dinner in the backyard, movies outside on the big screen, weekend camping trips, and planting the annual pink petunias in the flower beds. I am also looking forward to mowing the lawn again and doing yard work on Saturday mornings. Just the smell of freshly cut grass is so pleasing and comforting to me.

It’s funny how after having a long winter, when the weather begins to warm up, the idea of being able to go outside without having to wear boots and a coat seems so foreign. Looking at photos from the warmer seasons you think, “Is that real? Will I actually be able to go outside with shorts and a short sleeved shirt?” It can also be the same after having a long summer––you just can’t imagine the weather getting colder.

Nonetheless, I am ready for spring. Bring on the warm weather!

Prevention

pre·ven·tion
noun
the action of stopping something from happening or arising.

Prevention is an interesting concept. It can be used to stop both good and bad things from happening. It can be used to halt someone from creating a grave error, or halt something good from going forward.

It seems that life is full of “preventing” things. There are many organizations, for example, that promote alcohol prevention, suicide prevention, disease prevention, and much more. We find it to be a sort of moral duty to prevent something bad from happening, especially if we know that it will happen beforehand. Even in the old Superman movie, Superman keeps reversing the Earth’s rotation to try and save Lois Lane from dying. He feels it to be his moral duty to save her from this terrible fate. I think it is good for us to prevent negative or detrimental things like alcohol abuse, suicide, etc, and am comforted knowing that most people find it to be a top priority to take action to stop things like that.

On the other hand, many people feel restricted in life because of people, instances, etc. preventing them from reaching their goals and achieving their dreams. No one supports those types of people who prohibit someone from doing something good. But it is a real thing in this life: there will be instances that prevent you from doing what you want.

“Prevention” is just an interesting concept to think about.

Language

Russian is hard. The majority of the time I spend doing my Russian homework I just want to give up and cry. Taking a five credit language class is definitely challenging. I don’t know what I have gotten myself into. Honestly, the big deciding factor that made me choose to do Russian was the fact Matisse would be able to help me. Besides that, and the fact that I would be able to get the expensive textbook for free from my teacher, I didn’t really know if I wanted to do Russian. But, here I am.

In some ways I am grateful that I have been able to take Russian. It has helped me to work harder than I would think to usually do. It has pushed me to do, and to be better. I just hope that I will be able to grow from this learning experience.

Tonight I took an online test for my Russian midterm, and after my first try, out of two, I just cried. I couldn’t stand the fact that I did so poorly on my first try. That’s my problem, really. In any class that I have a hard time in, I always blame myself. I always think I am the one coming up short. My family has to keep telling me that my effort counts and that there is more than just a superficial grade. I just really need to learn to get over the hump of thinking I’m not good enough.

We’ll just have to see what happens in the future…

Dasha

Matisse’s cat, Dasha, is a good sport. Tonight, Sam, Myrtle, Alexis, Olivia and I all went over to Matisse’s apartment so Lexi could touch up some of Sam and Myrtle’s engagement pics. Dasha is naturally a very small cat, so naturally she is irresistible. And she is also the softest cat I have ever held. Seriously. The irony, though, is that she despises being held. It really is a tragedy. Any time you pick her up and try to snuggle her, she gets so upset and literally slaps your face with her paw. However, today I picked her up and Matisse fed her her favorite treats, and I think we broke the record for the longest time Dasha has ever been held without squirming. It was a miracle!

Later in the evening, Matisse put this little “calming” sweater on Dasha. The reviews the sweater had on Amazon all said that this sweater had these amazing calming effects for any hyper cats. We tried it on Dasha, and it lived up to its reviews––she was completely still and chill. It was a sight to see her try to walk, though, with her army crawl and all. We gave her some more treats for being to patient and putting up with our crazy antics.

The funny thing we noticed after giving her lots of treats was that the recommended serving size was nine pieces a day…we probably gave her double that…whoops. I think she should be alright though…*sheepish chuckle*

Life

Life has been a little bit suck-y lately.

Today I took my Physical Science test and didn’t get the grade I wanted. I studied all morning, but still didn’t do that great. Now I still need to take my online Russian test and study for my Book of Mormon test that is on Monday at 8am. I am really not looking forward to that test. All it is is sitting in a group of 4 with our teacher discussing the readings for an hour. It sounds appealing, but this teacher is hard to talk with. And he basically grades you on how long you talk on a given subject. Blah. Honestly, now that I think about it, the classes I thought I would enjoy have turned out to be the harder classes that I have not enjoyed so far. Boo.

Also, the phone I got might not work. Today I got a new SIM card for the phone, since my last one was not compatible, and I found that the new phone is most likely not paid off from the previous carrier. So, I might not be able to keep the phone after all.

Whenever I am faced with stinky circumstances like these, I usually keep my sights set on the day when the rough patch will end. At least if there is a clear end. So, I am currently looking forward to Tuesday…just need to make it to Tuesday…

Ramblings

I don’t really have anything to say right now. I am quite stressed about my midterms, though. I still have to take an online test tonight and study for a test I need to take tomorrow and another test on Monday.

Right now the family is eating dinner with my Aunt Wanda and Uncle Codi (Mom’s twin brother and his wife). They came over today to put in Mom’s new toilet. Her master bathroom renovation has come along quite nicely. A few months ago Matisse and I helped Mom to hang her flower wallpaper. I really like the wallpaper, but it was a pain to hang. It was actually my first time ever hanging wallpaper. I think Matisse and I did a good first job.

Hmmm…today I wore my rain jacket and rain boots to school because I was expecting it to rain. However, it never did rain. It wasn’t very nice to have to wear a noisy jacket and boots all day. Wearing my rain boots also slows me down because I have to walk in a way that keeps the boots on my feet without having them rub oddly or fall off. It wasn’t too bad, though.

Well, I need to go finish studying.

Eyes

If your eyes are the windows to your soul, then why should you let so many people see your soul? What is the purpose of showing your soul to every stranger you come in contact with? Isn’t it like putting your heart on your sleeve?

Eye contact is hard. And oftentimes uncomfortable. I’ve never been one to look into the eyes of every person I walk past. I just can’t do it. I feel them look in my direction, but I can’t stand to look them in their eyes. So many people find that to be odd, unusual, or anti-social. I guess you could say that. But is it so bad to say that I don’t like to have everyone stare into my soul? To actually see me? Why do I need to give people that insight into who I am? I suppose that is the only way to actually get to meet people: to look them in the eyes and simply say “hello.” It’s just hard.

It’s the same thing with talking, but it’s not as personal, I suppose. We were meant to talk to each other––that is what humans do. That is how we communicate. Speech is the most efficient form of communication. That is how we ultimately progress: through conversing with each other. But then it makes you wonder why there are those who can’t talk. Why do they have to have that difficulty? Same with those who are blind––they can’t see anyone so they can’t help but let everyone look into their soul. Why were they given that difficulty?

It’s hard to think why things are this way, but there is ultimately some good reason, I'm sure. While I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, I’ll try and move forward with my life. Even though it is hard to speak or look into the eyes of any stranger, I should try. Human connections are only natural. I mean, I’m not living on this Earth by myself, so that must mean something.

New Phone

Christmas of 2014 was when I got my first phone––the green iPhone 5c. I was 15 years old. This phone has been wonderful to me––all 16 GB of it. Today, however, was the day I decided to move on to something a bit newer, a bit larger, and a bit nicer.

After dinner, I sat at the dining table and thought to myself: I really need a new phone. My phone has had a broken screen for almost a whole year (and has been broken two times previously; I just didn’t think it was worth it to replace the screen, again). So, naturally, I went to the KSL Classifieds and started my search. After searching for about 5 minutes, I refreshed the page and there was a brand new listing for an iPhone 6s, 128 GB for a VERY good price. It had only been up for 3 minutes, so I actually had a chance of getting it. I instantly texted the man and set up a time to meet up and buy it tonight.

The guy was really nice. He was a BYU student and was just selling his wife’s work phone because she got upgraded to a new iPhone 7. I couldn’t believe it––I was getting an iPhone 6s, 128GB, with an original $80 leather, apple phone case, plus a charging cord all for an amazing price. I guess I’ve been doing something right. :)