Cholula

Oh man, I have been wanting a cat really badly lately. Matisse recently showed me an Instagram video from a famous cat caretaker lady titled “Kitten Lady” with a little kitty cat at the Humane Society of Utah. (The Kitten Lady came to visit Utah for some cat convention or some collaboration with the Humane Society of Utah.) The cat in the video, Cholula, is a tabby mother cat that is large, fluffy and so lovey-dovey. The moment I saw the way she acted in the video, I thought of Cato, my kitty cat that had to be put down on Valentine’s Day last year. Cato was also a mother cat and was the most patient, loving, snuggly cat on planet earth. Seriously, though. She would let you pick her up whenever and would never struggle to get out of your arms. She would just sit there and snuggle with you for hours. She absolutely LOVED tummy rubs and was such an obedient kitty. So watching the video of Cholula brought back all of those sweet memories. I miss having Cato around so, so badly. She was the calm in my life. Her loving, unconditional snuggles were all you needed to have your day brighten. I just with I could get the kitty Cholula. I need some of that sweet, loving kitty-ness back in my life.

Mask Maker

I am an expert mask maker. All I wear is my craft. Everyone has seen me, but no one has seen me. But who is “me?” I don’t seem to know anymore. 

A side is shown to one. Another side, to another. Which is real? Aren’t they all? You are who you are by how you portray yourself to another, so is the “me” all of the sides? Can purpose be found in being so many? I don’t seem to know anymore.

People say not to limit yourself and to “be you.” Many hold no value is wearing many masks. So am I looked down upon? Am I not being me? Or is “me” diverse and changing? Doesn’t that hold value? I don’t seem to know anymore.

I suppose one can find value in something if it brings satisfaction. Am I satisfied with myself? I don’t know. Sometimes I talk, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I look, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I don’t. Am I satisfied with that? Some view me as outgoing, but some view me as a shut-in. Am I satisfied with that? I don’t seem to know anymore.

Many say not to care what others say. But if I don’t care for what they say, who would I be? I don’t seem to know anymore.

Four Classes

I am freaking out about having to study for and take my final exams and do my final projects…I just cannot put into words how relieved I will be once this semester is finished though. I feel like the finish line is so close, yet so far, and that is what is killing me. I have sincerely enjoyed my classes this semester, but I am ready for them to be done. I just need a break. I need sleep again.

The funny thing is that whenever I tell other BYU students that I am taking four classes, they all tell me how lucky I must be for taking that few of classes. I mean what?! It just bugs me that even thought I might not be taking ten classes, I can still struggle with things. I have my own personal battles and complications, so judging whether or not I have it easy based off of how many classes I am taking is a little crazy, and quite frankly a bit shallow. It’s hard for me to have and “easy” time when I am not one hundred percent invested in all of the subjects I am taking and have a lot of things going on at home. I also get that there must be a lot of students who have crazy busy schedules, but I don’t think I should be written off as having an easy time just because I am taking four classes. I guess that is what I get for going to a prestigious school: being constantly surrounded by lots of crazy smart and academic people. Oh well, I suppose that there will always be people like that.

Biology

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I feel like I can’t make a lot of progress in choosing what to do because I keep second guessing my interests and ultimately my abilities to do well in what I choose to do. For example, for the longest time I thought it would be cool to do graphic design like my dad. But after having my graphic design job on campus, I don’t know if I could make it a career. It is definitely an enjoyable thing for me to do, but I don’t know if I could devote myself to it.

Currently, I am quite interested in Biology. Just the overall concepts of Biology intrigue me. After taking BIO 100 and enjoying it all, I am thinking of taking more Biology classes. Currently, I am signed up to take Environmental Biology in the Fall. I am super excited for that class; the teacher has really good ratings, the subjects the class will go over are fascinating, and I think it would be a cool way to see how useful it is to understand Biology in order to better understand our world. I just hope this class won’t turn into one of those classes where I think I will enjoy it, but then it turns out to be my least favorite class––that seems to have been the case this last semester. *sigh*

Change

I am always tired. I feel so burnt out all of the time. And the worst part of it all is that it will probably get worse as the end of the semester approaches. Bah. I just want this semester to be over and done with already. I am ready for my Spring/Summer break. So. Ready. I am especially ready to be able to get enough sleep and not turn into my version of Mr. Hyde late at night when I am stressed and working on school assignments. I need my sanity back. Please.

Before this semester ends, I think I might want to apply to a new job. Today I saw a job posting for a graphic designer position at the Family and Home Social Sciences office. They have much better pay than what I am currently receiving, I think they would be more artistically freeing, and I think a change of scenery could be good. I just never know if I should take chances on things like this and try something new and risky. But I guess nothing great comes from staying in your comfort zone. And I really have nothing to lose if I were to apply. So, we will have to see what the future holds.

Meet the Mormons

So, today we had an actual dinner guest. Lexi and Aaron moved back to Provo because Aaron took a job working for his friend since he started his own [successful] business. Currently there are only five employees, including Aaron. One of the employees, Nolan, moved from Boston to Provo in order to work with them. Nolan graduated from MIT with a degree in Mathematics and Statistics––crazy smart. He is also not a member of the church. And since he is new in town, he doesn’t have any friends. So Aaron invited him over to have dinner with us and have some friends to hang out with.

However, about an hour before Nolan showed up, Aaron coincidentally told me that he invited a friend to dinner. What?! The house was in disarray and I wasn’t sure that I prepared enough food to feed ten people. First we began to clean. Lex, Aaron, Chris, Mom and I were all cleaning up a storm. Amazingly, after about thirty minutes, the house looked quite spic and span. Usually it takes me about two hours to clean everything by myself, but it was wonderful to have help. Then Nolan arrived.

Remarkably, we had enough food. In fact, we had left overs. After dinner, we all decided to play the card game “Bang!”. Nolan had never played it before, so we taught him how, and I think he enjoyed it. It really was a delightful evening. I just hope we didn’t weird him out as we are some of the first Mormons he has ever met. But he was very gracious dinner guest, was fun to play the card game with, and even brought some ice cream to share. All in all, I think it was a successful night.

Cats on Leashes

Oh man, today Lexi and Aaron took their kitties outside on their leashes. I swear, their cats are some of the most domesticated cats I have ever known. Felix only lasted about ten minutes outside before running up to the door and running inside the house. Didot on the other hand, was quite curious. But she was easily frightened by any sound whatsoever. Whenever she got spooked, she ran to her favorite hiding place: under the prickly evergreen tree. It was terrible to try and get her out from under that tree. It is a small tree that is low to the ground, so trying to drag a terrified cat out from underneath can prove to be a nightmare. Especially when she wraps her leash all around the base of the tree. Goodness. Eventually, however, we got Didot out from under the tree, brushed the sharp needles off of her and went back inside.

Felix was funny in that the moment he got back inside, he ran to the litter box to relieve himself. I suppose the thought never crossed his mind that he could go to the bathroom outside…that crazy cat. Didot was a little bit shaken up, but she was fine. I just don’t think we will be taking them outside again any time soon.