Learning

I recently read this article on how to become smart––regarding the different practices and mindsets you should have––and one of the suggestions was to write regularly on a blog sharing what you've learned. Since entering my Design Studies major, I've been nervous as to whether or not I will be able to learn and remember everything I'm learning––particularly in the classes where I actually care about learning, remembering, and applying what's being taught––so this next Fall semester I will write a quick blog post each day about the different things I'm learning. I'm only taking classes now that count towards my major and two minors (Art History and Design Thinking), so I particularly want to be able to apply what's being taught, and remember it for years to come. Here's to resurrecting my blog from my freshman year of college, and to actually becoming smarter through sharing what I'm learning.

That Little Feeling

You know when you have that little spark of reassurance and confidence? That little ember of hope that manifests itself inside of your heart? You know that feeling? I do, and I think that is the best feeling in the world. It can be easy to discredit that feeling by thinking that it is irrational, short-lived, unimportant, and so random. But I believe that that little ember of reassurance and peace is one of the most important things we can feel. When you think about it, that “random” little feeling makes you feel really good––it brings about something that you couldn’t just think of on your own, so why down-play it? This feeling is definitely worthwhile. I mean, why would you discourage any hope that would come about from that feeling? Why discourage any hope that manifests itself to you, no matter how small? It doesn’t make any sense. And just because it might not last that long, doesn’t mean that it was fake or made-up––it was only short-lived because that was all your spirit needed to be encouraged and prompted to keep going.

Satan's Influence

Satan is good at what he does. If he wasn't good at it, then everybody would be perfect in this mortal state. I've known many people who have been angry at God for allowing them to face difficult temptations, addictions, or loss. I know, because I have felt that way before. While we talk about God knowing us so well, I think that Satan knows us really well, too. I don't know that he knows as much about us as God does, but he knows us enough to know our weaknesses. Our weaknesses are our breaking points––the faulty parts of ourselves we give in to too often. And the sad thing is that it is easy to give up and fall into his traps. It's easy for us to disregard our potential and take the lazy options that require no effort but give easy satisfaction. It's only human to want to take the easy route. And that's why God encourages us to do the harder rights rather than the easier wrongs––He wants us to transcend this mortal state and become something better. Only then can we partake of the eternal happiness that is promised to us by God. But it's just so difficult to always keep that perspective and  remember what God wants for us. Like I said before, Satan is good at what he does. But God is better. With God's help, we can recognize the worthwhile things and ultimately become who we are meant to be––perfect sons and daughters of God. I know that to be fact.

Confidence

Confidence is a simple idea but is one of the hardest things to master. Every single person on earth struggles at some point in their life with confidence. But why? Why is it so hard to choose to be confident? When we look at little children, they are some of the most confident individuals around. They speak bluntly, wear non-fashionable things like its the new trend, and make friends with whoever they choose to befriend. When did we begin to loose that confidence we had as children? When did we become self-conscious? The interesting thing is that God “hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”(2 Timothy 1:7-8). So why do we experience fear and doubt our capabilities?
We like to think that if we know a subject really well, we should be able to speak confidently about it. But that’s not always the case. For example, members of the LDS church who love the Gospel, and know the Gospel truths through-and-though can still be too scared to share its messages. I just want to know why we all care so much about what others think over what God thinks. We are too easily distracted by the physical, tangible and present things that face us that we forget about the importance of what God thinks.
Turning one’s life around from being shy and doubtful to being confident is extremely hard. That internal battle we all face is a very real struggle. But if we take that leap of faith by saying or doing whatever things we would never think to do due to a lack of confidence, there can only be good things to come of it. Whether it is easily accomplished and well-received by others or not, it is a stepping stone to achieving our potential and ultimate happiness.

Harder Semester

*Update to yesterday’s grumpy Mr. Hyde: I slept for 13 hours straight and am now feeling okay.*

This rain is absolutely divine. Whenever I think of the type of weather that puts me in the right mood, it is rain. I just love the idea of sitting out on the porch, smelling the delicious rain, taking in all of the luscious green plants, and simply relaxing to the sound of the raindrops falling and the thunder crashing. It’s just the best.

I’m not really sure what else to talk about. I am feeling really stressed about having to study for finals and finish a few last assignments. This semester has been making me feel a little more frantic than last semester. I don’t know what it is, but I seem to feel more anxious on a regular basis. I guess that last semesters’ classes were more laid back. Especially with the finals. I honestly didn't feel stressed at all about taking any of those finals. I thought it was quite fun, really. But this semester has me wishing that I could just disappear. Don’t get me wrong: I have had some amazing moments this semester, but I think that these classes have had more of a serious, heavy feel than last semester. Let’s just say that I will be relieved once finals week is over.

A Couple of All-Nighters

I have pulled all-nighters for the past two nights in a row. I have never felt so “yer9qpwehfaisupcgfpqhh” before in my life. I highly recommend not doing it. My emotions have been all over the place. Usually whenever I get tired, I turn into my own form of Mr. Hyde and things can get pretty scary. Staying up for two nights in a row, and running off of only a few hours of sleep from power naps, I have consistently been in my Mr. Hyde mode. The thing with my Mr. Hyde side, though, is that I don’t really direct my anger at other people as much as I do at myself. When I get really tired but still have a lot of homework assignments to do, or something of that sort, I begin to beat up on myself. So for the past two days, I have been directing my negative, grumpy emotions toward myself. And it has been heck. Being like this has made it hard to focus on finishing my different school assignments and preparing myself for finals. All I want to do is be grumpy and not doing anything. I just really need a nap. I just got back from my second job so now I am going upstairs to my bed and my head is going to hit my pillow. Hard.

Writing 150

School is almost over. I can’t believe that I almost have two semesters under my belt––time really does fly by. I must say that I think this semester has been a bit trickier than last, but I honestly do think that my favorite class was Writing 150. Seriously though. I enjoy writing, but am not that great, so this class has really helped me develop as a writer. At the beginning of the semester on the first day of class, I felt intimidated. I thought that it would be my least favorite class and that it would make me hate writing even more. But once I got home from school that day, I just couldn’t shake this feeling that it would be great. I began to be quite excited, actually. Because of that, I stayed in the class, and oh boy am I glad that I did. I haven’t had such an enriching writing class before in my life. Before this class, I had always wanted to better develop my wiring skills but never knew what to do. Having the requirement to keep a daily journal has really helped me. Same with the weekly digital dialogues. Writing this often has really strengthened my skill as a writer and has given me valuable practice that I never would have thought of doing on my own. All in all, I am very grateful that I decided to stay in this class.

Sleeping In

The beginning to my day was a little bit crazy. I fell asleep last night after finishing my Russian essay and then I woke up at six, but then realized I could sleep for another hour before I would have to get up for my Book of Mormon class. So, I fell back asleep without setting an alarm, which was the fatal mistake. I woke up when the grandfather clock struck eight o’clock, and instantly panic set in because my Book of Mormon class started at eight! This was the first time I have slept in past a class in college! I finished submitting my Russian essay, quickly got ready, and had Chris drive me to school so I wouldn’t be even more late. And thankfully, despite my wort fears, once I got to class, things were okay. I just hope nothing happens like this during finals week. That would be a nightmare if I missed a final. I also have my physical science final at seven am one day, so hopefully I will be able to make it…

Well…I currently have a headache but still need to finish writing some papers for my classes. All I can do now is just keep going. This semester will end soon enough…

Easter

Happy Easter! Today has been a good day, I think. Mom invited a family friend, Sherrie Spencer, over to have dinner with us since her house is undergoing some crazy renovations. Dinner took a long time to prepare since I had to warm up a ham in the oven for seriously three hours, took an hour and fifteen minutes to cook the au gratin potatoes, and several hours to complete a six-layered chocolate salted caramel cake. The dinner was quite delicious though. And we actually got all of the recipes from Martha Stewart’s website. The funny thing is that all of her recipes have low ratings around three starts on average and all of the comments complain about how much they hate them. However, I still have yet to ever make a bad recipe from Martha Stewart. But seriously, I love all of her recipes.

Whew, that was a big tangent. Well, after dinner we all watched the movie “The Force Awakens” since Aaron bought it from RedBox for $4 since they were getting rid of their old movies. I actually really like that movie. I haven’t seen “Rogue One” and I don’t know if I want to. I’ve heard a lot of mixed reviews about it. Anyway, today has been pretty low-key which has been nice to take a break from all of the stress that comes at the end of the semester. But tomorrow all of that stress will return…

Bike Crash

Today Sam crashed his bike.

First of all, he was in a bike race. (I personally didn’t even know that he was in a bike race, but apparently he was.) When I came home from taking my physical science test at the testing center, Sam and Myrtle were at home and Sam was showering. That was when Myrtle told me that Sam crashed his bike. The even more heart-wrenching part––especially for Sam––was that he was in the breakout group of three right at the front with only a mile left until the finish––about to win the whole race––when he looked behind himself, bumped tires with the guy in front of him and crashed. Lately Sam’s racing luck has been been pretty bad. For example, a couple of races ago, right near the finish when he was also in the lead, got a flat tire. Then when he was chosen to participate in the LOTOJA bike race (which only accepts the participants in a random drawing), he smacked his knee on his bike just the wrong way that he couldn’t ride his bike for months and had to miss the race. I mean, what?!

Thankfully, this last race didn’t cause too much damage. He has road rash all over the right side of his body, but nothing is broken and his bike only has a few minor scrapes. Thankfully he will have a short recovery and will be able to continue to race in a few weeks, which he is stoked about.

Cat Lady

I don’t have anything to say today, so this post will be bit of a ramble so I just get my post in for the day.

Still thinking of what to say…

Well, I wish I had a cat still. I really miss Cato. I look like a crazy person now any time that I see a cat wander across my path when I am walking outside. An observer would see me lock my gaze on the cat, increase my speed to try and reach the cat before it runs away, and if I am close enough, I call out for the cat to let me pet it. But nearly every time the cat runs away when I am at about a ten foot distance away. That is how my life is going currently…

Well…there is a cat at the Humane Society that I really want to adopt. Her name is Cholula and she is a VERY sweet and snuggly momma cat––just like how Cato was. However, I can’t adopt any cats right now because I don’t have a place of my own (meaning a house and not a student apartment) and my mom doesn’t want to have any more pets. So I probably won’t be able to have a pet cat for another ten years. Isn’t that a weird thought: I want to be a cat lady already but I can’t even have a cat…sheesh.

Finals

This round of finals will be interesting because all of my finals are scheduled. I have mixed feelings about having them all scheduled. I like it because then I don’t have to set up a time to independently come, but instead just show up and take it. It is also easier to plan anything I am doing outside of school around the scheduled finals. It also helps to push me to take the tests. It gives me a goal to work towards. However, it can be hard to have scheduled finals because some of them are on the same day only a few minutes apart…ugh. And if I don't study in time, there is no planning a new time to take the test. So I need to be on top of things––something I need to be better at.

I cannot put into words how excited I am for this semester to end. I need a flipping break from school already, and the end cannot come soon enough. However, with the end comes all of the big final projects, papers, and tests. So I want school to be over, but at the same time I don’t. Here’s to hoping I survive this last stretch of school and finals.

Taste in Music

My guilty pleasure is listening to music from the 70’s or 80’s. NO ONE at home likes the old classics, that is, except for Mom on occasion. She was in her teens in the 70’s and so it was the music they would play at school dances and such. She also told me that a lot of her friends would go disco-dancing but she never really enjoyed those types of things…or so she wants me to believe. On multiple occasions when I have played Bee Gees on the stereo, I have seen her groove. The music really is contagious, and I can’t blame her for dancing. I can get pretty into the dancing at times, too. Crazy, I know, but it happens.

I also enjoy listening to music from around the 50’s. This decade of music is my “feel-good” music. Again, NO ONE (except for Mom) likes this type of music. I don’t know…I have an odd mish-mash taste in music. I’m thinking it’s because when I got my first iPod in first grade my dad put all of his music on my iPod. So, I listed to songs from James Taylor, Billy Joel, The Beach Boys, Chicago, MoTab, Mozart, The Bourne Identity and let’s not forget the random TV show theme songs from MASH, 77 Sunset Strip, and Happy Day’s. I was an easy kid to please. I mean I was in first grade: little kids are always easy to please.

But looking back on my exposure to music, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

CTR Ring

Usually I am not one to wear rings or much jewelry. I think that most earrings and necklaces just get in the way and never look that great on me. So, I have basically just stuck to wearing my watch and occasionally some simple stud earrings. However, a few days ago I gave in an ordered a ring. It’s not any ring, mind you, it’s a rose-gold CTR ring that I have been keeping my eye on for little bit. Today it came in the mail and I couldn't be more pleased. It fits perfectly, is simple, goes with my watch, and is not as annoying on my finger as I thought it would be. It will take a little while to get used to seeing it on my finger, but for the most part, I have been liking it.

This is actually my first legitimate CTR ring. When I was in primary, I cycled through some cheap 10 cent rings, but nothing really worked. Then, I decided to get a necklace with a little CTR ring on the chain and I actually wore it for a few years. I remember that everyone kept asking me if it was my baby ring since it was so small. I didn’t even know that was a thing…?

Regardless, I am quite happy with my CTR ring. Here’s to hoping it will last for a long time.

Possible Topic

Okay, so I think I have a semi better idea of where I want to go with my paper. I am thinking that I will argue that even though we live in a community of knowledge where we depend upon each other’s expertise in a field to learn, piggybacking ideas is detrimental to your overall learning. Specifically looking at the university forum. I am thinking that I will discuss how we learn, what the most effective ways to learn are, and why piggybacking ideas does us no favor. As I specifically look on college campuses, I can relate my argument back to how when we are going to college, we are supposed to be learning things for our own. We are about to enter the real world with a career and need to be able to handle things on our own. Many people give in and go with the flow on things, but students at a university should avoid doing that at all costs. If we do go with the flow on hot-button topics, it shows how ignorant and uneducated we can be. We give in and go with the flow on things because we think we understand all of the facts of the matter but we ultimately don’t. I think that as we come to acknowledge our ignorance and take a step back to evaluate the sources on our own, we can become better educated and informed individuals––the thing we are trying to accomplish in becoming as we go to college.

Burnt Out

For some reason, trying to write my research paper has me completely stumped. I don’t know what to do because I am very intrigued and interested in my topic, I am just having a hard time trying to pinpoint what I am going to argue. Then along with that, I need to find sources that will support my argument. I don’t really know why it has been so hard. My sister tells me it is because I am so burned out from pushing myself so much and stressing over too many things to count so it makes me hard to want to focus on school anymore. I do feel quite burned out, I just don’t know what to do to fix it. I mean, right now is not the time to feel burnt out. The end of the semester is when all of the final papers, projects, and exams are due and need to be taken. I personally don’t think that is the most effective or efficient way to do things. I think the learning should be a continuous process and shouldn’t have to be tested at the very end as a huge, weighted thing. I don’t know, it just makes things harder for me. I guess it is just the idea of putting so much on the last test, or the last project that kills me. Especially when there are so many different classes demanding your best work at the end but all at the same time. I don’t know. Maybe it is a lesson in time management or something, but I don’t think it is a smart thing to do.

Stumped

Seriously, right now I can write anything but my research paper. I don’t get what is wrong. I am super exited about my topic and all, but I just can’t discipline myself to write it out. I think it is because I haven’t fully figured out what I am arguing, so that is pretty important. I just need to think through what I want to argue. After reading over the article that got me originally interested on the subject of communities of knowledge, knowledge sharing, and how we all depend upon each other to learn things and spread and create knowledge, I have more ideas of what to write about. But it keeps leading back to the problem that I don’t know what to specifically argue. Gah. I think that talking about the knowledge sharing on campuses would be interesting, but I don’t know what I would argue there. Maybe how to best relay knowledge? Or if the use of technology is helpful or not? Or maybe I could talk about herd mentalities and when we begin to piggyback on other people’s ideas. But what is there to argue in that? Just when it would begin? Why it would begin? Why it is bad? 

I just need to figure this out soon because I need to send a draft to my peers. Oh gosh…

Cholula

Oh man, I have been wanting a cat really badly lately. Matisse recently showed me an Instagram video from a famous cat caretaker lady titled “Kitten Lady” with a little kitty cat at the Humane Society of Utah. (The Kitten Lady came to visit Utah for some cat convention or some collaboration with the Humane Society of Utah.) The cat in the video, Cholula, is a tabby mother cat that is large, fluffy and so lovey-dovey. The moment I saw the way she acted in the video, I thought of Cato, my kitty cat that had to be put down on Valentine’s Day last year. Cato was also a mother cat and was the most patient, loving, snuggly cat on planet earth. Seriously, though. She would let you pick her up whenever and would never struggle to get out of your arms. She would just sit there and snuggle with you for hours. She absolutely LOVED tummy rubs and was such an obedient kitty. So watching the video of Cholula brought back all of those sweet memories. I miss having Cato around so, so badly. She was the calm in my life. Her loving, unconditional snuggles were all you needed to have your day brighten. I just with I could get the kitty Cholula. I need some of that sweet, loving kitty-ness back in my life.

Mask Maker

I am an expert mask maker. All I wear is my craft. Everyone has seen me, but no one has seen me. But who is “me?” I don’t seem to know anymore. 

A side is shown to one. Another side, to another. Which is real? Aren’t they all? You are who you are by how you portray yourself to another, so is the “me” all of the sides? Can purpose be found in being so many? I don’t seem to know anymore.

People say not to limit yourself and to “be you.” Many hold no value is wearing many masks. So am I looked down upon? Am I not being me? Or is “me” diverse and changing? Doesn’t that hold value? I don’t seem to know anymore.

I suppose one can find value in something if it brings satisfaction. Am I satisfied with myself? I don’t know. Sometimes I talk, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I look, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I don’t. Am I satisfied with that? Some view me as outgoing, but some view me as a shut-in. Am I satisfied with that? I don’t seem to know anymore.

Many say not to care what others say. But if I don’t care for what they say, who would I be? I don’t seem to know anymore.

Four Classes

I am freaking out about having to study for and take my final exams and do my final projects…I just cannot put into words how relieved I will be once this semester is finished though. I feel like the finish line is so close, yet so far, and that is what is killing me. I have sincerely enjoyed my classes this semester, but I am ready for them to be done. I just need a break. I need sleep again.

The funny thing is that whenever I tell other BYU students that I am taking four classes, they all tell me how lucky I must be for taking that few of classes. I mean what?! It just bugs me that even thought I might not be taking ten classes, I can still struggle with things. I have my own personal battles and complications, so judging whether or not I have it easy based off of how many classes I am taking is a little crazy, and quite frankly a bit shallow. It’s hard for me to have and “easy” time when I am not one hundred percent invested in all of the subjects I am taking and have a lot of things going on at home. I also get that there must be a lot of students who have crazy busy schedules, but I don’t think I should be written off as having an easy time just because I am taking four classes. I guess that is what I get for going to a prestigious school: being constantly surrounded by lots of crazy smart and academic people. Oh well, I suppose that there will always be people like that.