Harder Semester

*Update to yesterday’s grumpy Mr. Hyde: I slept for 13 hours straight and am now feeling okay.*

This rain is absolutely divine. Whenever I think of the type of weather that puts me in the right mood, it is rain. I just love the idea of sitting out on the porch, smelling the delicious rain, taking in all of the luscious green plants, and simply relaxing to the sound of the raindrops falling and the thunder crashing. It’s just the best.

I’m not really sure what else to talk about. I am feeling really stressed about having to study for finals and finish a few last assignments. This semester has been making me feel a little more frantic than last semester. I don’t know what it is, but I seem to feel more anxious on a regular basis. I guess that last semesters’ classes were more laid back. Especially with the finals. I honestly didn't feel stressed at all about taking any of those finals. I thought it was quite fun, really. But this semester has me wishing that I could just disappear. Don’t get me wrong: I have had some amazing moments this semester, but I think that these classes have had more of a serious, heavy feel than last semester. Let’s just say that I will be relieved once finals week is over.

A Couple of All-Nighters

I have pulled all-nighters for the past two nights in a row. I have never felt so “yer9qpwehfaisupcgfpqhh” before in my life. I highly recommend not doing it. My emotions have been all over the place. Usually whenever I get tired, I turn into my own form of Mr. Hyde and things can get pretty scary. Staying up for two nights in a row, and running off of only a few hours of sleep from power naps, I have consistently been in my Mr. Hyde mode. The thing with my Mr. Hyde side, though, is that I don’t really direct my anger at other people as much as I do at myself. When I get really tired but still have a lot of homework assignments to do, or something of that sort, I begin to beat up on myself. So for the past two days, I have been directing my negative, grumpy emotions toward myself. And it has been heck. Being like this has made it hard to focus on finishing my different school assignments and preparing myself for finals. All I want to do is be grumpy and not doing anything. I just really need a nap. I just got back from my second job so now I am going upstairs to my bed and my head is going to hit my pillow. Hard.

Writing 150

School is almost over. I can’t believe that I almost have two semesters under my belt––time really does fly by. I must say that I think this semester has been a bit trickier than last, but I honestly do think that my favorite class was Writing 150. Seriously though. I enjoy writing, but am not that great, so this class has really helped me develop as a writer. At the beginning of the semester on the first day of class, I felt intimidated. I thought that it would be my least favorite class and that it would make me hate writing even more. But once I got home from school that day, I just couldn’t shake this feeling that it would be great. I began to be quite excited, actually. Because of that, I stayed in the class, and oh boy am I glad that I did. I haven’t had such an enriching writing class before in my life. Before this class, I had always wanted to better develop my wiring skills but never knew what to do. Having the requirement to keep a daily journal has really helped me. Same with the weekly digital dialogues. Writing this often has really strengthened my skill as a writer and has given me valuable practice that I never would have thought of doing on my own. All in all, I am very grateful that I decided to stay in this class.

Sleeping In

The beginning to my day was a little bit crazy. I fell asleep last night after finishing my Russian essay and then I woke up at six, but then realized I could sleep for another hour before I would have to get up for my Book of Mormon class. So, I fell back asleep without setting an alarm, which was the fatal mistake. I woke up when the grandfather clock struck eight o’clock, and instantly panic set in because my Book of Mormon class started at eight! This was the first time I have slept in past a class in college! I finished submitting my Russian essay, quickly got ready, and had Chris drive me to school so I wouldn’t be even more late. And thankfully, despite my wort fears, once I got to class, things were okay. I just hope nothing happens like this during finals week. That would be a nightmare if I missed a final. I also have my physical science final at seven am one day, so hopefully I will be able to make it…

Well…I currently have a headache but still need to finish writing some papers for my classes. All I can do now is just keep going. This semester will end soon enough…

Easter

Happy Easter! Today has been a good day, I think. Mom invited a family friend, Sherrie Spencer, over to have dinner with us since her house is undergoing some crazy renovations. Dinner took a long time to prepare since I had to warm up a ham in the oven for seriously three hours, took an hour and fifteen minutes to cook the au gratin potatoes, and several hours to complete a six-layered chocolate salted caramel cake. The dinner was quite delicious though. And we actually got all of the recipes from Martha Stewart’s website. The funny thing is that all of her recipes have low ratings around three starts on average and all of the comments complain about how much they hate them. However, I still have yet to ever make a bad recipe from Martha Stewart. But seriously, I love all of her recipes.

Whew, that was a big tangent. Well, after dinner we all watched the movie “The Force Awakens” since Aaron bought it from RedBox for $4 since they were getting rid of their old movies. I actually really like that movie. I haven’t seen “Rogue One” and I don’t know if I want to. I’ve heard a lot of mixed reviews about it. Anyway, today has been pretty low-key which has been nice to take a break from all of the stress that comes at the end of the semester. But tomorrow all of that stress will return…

Bike Crash

Today Sam crashed his bike.

First of all, he was in a bike race. (I personally didn’t even know that he was in a bike race, but apparently he was.) When I came home from taking my physical science test at the testing center, Sam and Myrtle were at home and Sam was showering. That was when Myrtle told me that Sam crashed his bike. The even more heart-wrenching part––especially for Sam––was that he was in the breakout group of three right at the front with only a mile left until the finish––about to win the whole race––when he looked behind himself, bumped tires with the guy in front of him and crashed. Lately Sam’s racing luck has been been pretty bad. For example, a couple of races ago, right near the finish when he was also in the lead, got a flat tire. Then when he was chosen to participate in the LOTOJA bike race (which only accepts the participants in a random drawing), he smacked his knee on his bike just the wrong way that he couldn’t ride his bike for months and had to miss the race. I mean, what?!

Thankfully, this last race didn’t cause too much damage. He has road rash all over the right side of his body, but nothing is broken and his bike only has a few minor scrapes. Thankfully he will have a short recovery and will be able to continue to race in a few weeks, which he is stoked about.

Cat Lady

I don’t have anything to say today, so this post will be bit of a ramble so I just get my post in for the day.

Still thinking of what to say…

Well, I wish I had a cat still. I really miss Cato. I look like a crazy person now any time that I see a cat wander across my path when I am walking outside. An observer would see me lock my gaze on the cat, increase my speed to try and reach the cat before it runs away, and if I am close enough, I call out for the cat to let me pet it. But nearly every time the cat runs away when I am at about a ten foot distance away. That is how my life is going currently…

Well…there is a cat at the Humane Society that I really want to adopt. Her name is Cholula and she is a VERY sweet and snuggly momma cat––just like how Cato was. However, I can’t adopt any cats right now because I don’t have a place of my own (meaning a house and not a student apartment) and my mom doesn’t want to have any more pets. So I probably won’t be able to have a pet cat for another ten years. Isn’t that a weird thought: I want to be a cat lady already but I can’t even have a cat…sheesh.

Finals

This round of finals will be interesting because all of my finals are scheduled. I have mixed feelings about having them all scheduled. I like it because then I don’t have to set up a time to independently come, but instead just show up and take it. It is also easier to plan anything I am doing outside of school around the scheduled finals. It also helps to push me to take the tests. It gives me a goal to work towards. However, it can be hard to have scheduled finals because some of them are on the same day only a few minutes apart…ugh. And if I don't study in time, there is no planning a new time to take the test. So I need to be on top of things––something I need to be better at.

I cannot put into words how excited I am for this semester to end. I need a flipping break from school already, and the end cannot come soon enough. However, with the end comes all of the big final projects, papers, and tests. So I want school to be over, but at the same time I don’t. Here’s to hoping I survive this last stretch of school and finals.

Taste in Music

My guilty pleasure is listening to music from the 70’s or 80’s. NO ONE at home likes the old classics, that is, except for Mom on occasion. She was in her teens in the 70’s and so it was the music they would play at school dances and such. She also told me that a lot of her friends would go disco-dancing but she never really enjoyed those types of things…or so she wants me to believe. On multiple occasions when I have played Bee Gees on the stereo, I have seen her groove. The music really is contagious, and I can’t blame her for dancing. I can get pretty into the dancing at times, too. Crazy, I know, but it happens.

I also enjoy listening to music from around the 50’s. This decade of music is my “feel-good” music. Again, NO ONE (except for Mom) likes this type of music. I don’t know…I have an odd mish-mash taste in music. I’m thinking it’s because when I got my first iPod in first grade my dad put all of his music on my iPod. So, I listed to songs from James Taylor, Billy Joel, The Beach Boys, Chicago, MoTab, Mozart, The Bourne Identity and let’s not forget the random TV show theme songs from MASH, 77 Sunset Strip, and Happy Day’s. I was an easy kid to please. I mean I was in first grade: little kids are always easy to please.

But looking back on my exposure to music, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

CTR Ring

Usually I am not one to wear rings or much jewelry. I think that most earrings and necklaces just get in the way and never look that great on me. So, I have basically just stuck to wearing my watch and occasionally some simple stud earrings. However, a few days ago I gave in an ordered a ring. It’s not any ring, mind you, it’s a rose-gold CTR ring that I have been keeping my eye on for little bit. Today it came in the mail and I couldn't be more pleased. It fits perfectly, is simple, goes with my watch, and is not as annoying on my finger as I thought it would be. It will take a little while to get used to seeing it on my finger, but for the most part, I have been liking it.

This is actually my first legitimate CTR ring. When I was in primary, I cycled through some cheap 10 cent rings, but nothing really worked. Then, I decided to get a necklace with a little CTR ring on the chain and I actually wore it for a few years. I remember that everyone kept asking me if it was my baby ring since it was so small. I didn’t even know that was a thing…?

Regardless, I am quite happy with my CTR ring. Here’s to hoping it will last for a long time.

Possible Topic

Okay, so I think I have a semi better idea of where I want to go with my paper. I am thinking that I will argue that even though we live in a community of knowledge where we depend upon each other’s expertise in a field to learn, piggybacking ideas is detrimental to your overall learning. Specifically looking at the university forum. I am thinking that I will discuss how we learn, what the most effective ways to learn are, and why piggybacking ideas does us no favor. As I specifically look on college campuses, I can relate my argument back to how when we are going to college, we are supposed to be learning things for our own. We are about to enter the real world with a career and need to be able to handle things on our own. Many people give in and go with the flow on things, but students at a university should avoid doing that at all costs. If we do go with the flow on hot-button topics, it shows how ignorant and uneducated we can be. We give in and go with the flow on things because we think we understand all of the facts of the matter but we ultimately don’t. I think that as we come to acknowledge our ignorance and take a step back to evaluate the sources on our own, we can become better educated and informed individuals––the thing we are trying to accomplish in becoming as we go to college.

Burnt Out

For some reason, trying to write my research paper has me completely stumped. I don’t know what to do because I am very intrigued and interested in my topic, I am just having a hard time trying to pinpoint what I am going to argue. Then along with that, I need to find sources that will support my argument. I don’t really know why it has been so hard. My sister tells me it is because I am so burned out from pushing myself so much and stressing over too many things to count so it makes me hard to want to focus on school anymore. I do feel quite burned out, I just don’t know what to do to fix it. I mean, right now is not the time to feel burnt out. The end of the semester is when all of the final papers, projects, and exams are due and need to be taken. I personally don’t think that is the most effective or efficient way to do things. I think the learning should be a continuous process and shouldn’t have to be tested at the very end as a huge, weighted thing. I don’t know, it just makes things harder for me. I guess it is just the idea of putting so much on the last test, or the last project that kills me. Especially when there are so many different classes demanding your best work at the end but all at the same time. I don’t know. Maybe it is a lesson in time management or something, but I don’t think it is a smart thing to do.

Stumped

Seriously, right now I can write anything but my research paper. I don’t get what is wrong. I am super exited about my topic and all, but I just can’t discipline myself to write it out. I think it is because I haven’t fully figured out what I am arguing, so that is pretty important. I just need to think through what I want to argue. After reading over the article that got me originally interested on the subject of communities of knowledge, knowledge sharing, and how we all depend upon each other to learn things and spread and create knowledge, I have more ideas of what to write about. But it keeps leading back to the problem that I don’t know what to specifically argue. Gah. I think that talking about the knowledge sharing on campuses would be interesting, but I don’t know what I would argue there. Maybe how to best relay knowledge? Or if the use of technology is helpful or not? Or maybe I could talk about herd mentalities and when we begin to piggyback on other people’s ideas. But what is there to argue in that? Just when it would begin? Why it would begin? Why it is bad? 

I just need to figure this out soon because I need to send a draft to my peers. Oh gosh…

Cholula

Oh man, I have been wanting a cat really badly lately. Matisse recently showed me an Instagram video from a famous cat caretaker lady titled “Kitten Lady” with a little kitty cat at the Humane Society of Utah. (The Kitten Lady came to visit Utah for some cat convention or some collaboration with the Humane Society of Utah.) The cat in the video, Cholula, is a tabby mother cat that is large, fluffy and so lovey-dovey. The moment I saw the way she acted in the video, I thought of Cato, my kitty cat that had to be put down on Valentine’s Day last year. Cato was also a mother cat and was the most patient, loving, snuggly cat on planet earth. Seriously, though. She would let you pick her up whenever and would never struggle to get out of your arms. She would just sit there and snuggle with you for hours. She absolutely LOVED tummy rubs and was such an obedient kitty. So watching the video of Cholula brought back all of those sweet memories. I miss having Cato around so, so badly. She was the calm in my life. Her loving, unconditional snuggles were all you needed to have your day brighten. I just with I could get the kitty Cholula. I need some of that sweet, loving kitty-ness back in my life.

Mask Maker

I am an expert mask maker. All I wear is my craft. Everyone has seen me, but no one has seen me. But who is “me?” I don’t seem to know anymore. 

A side is shown to one. Another side, to another. Which is real? Aren’t they all? You are who you are by how you portray yourself to another, so is the “me” all of the sides? Can purpose be found in being so many? I don’t seem to know anymore.

People say not to limit yourself and to “be you.” Many hold no value is wearing many masks. So am I looked down upon? Am I not being me? Or is “me” diverse and changing? Doesn’t that hold value? I don’t seem to know anymore.

I suppose one can find value in something if it brings satisfaction. Am I satisfied with myself? I don’t know. Sometimes I talk, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I look, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I don’t. Am I satisfied with that? Some view me as outgoing, but some view me as a shut-in. Am I satisfied with that? I don’t seem to know anymore.

Many say not to care what others say. But if I don’t care for what they say, who would I be? I don’t seem to know anymore.

Four Classes

I am freaking out about having to study for and take my final exams and do my final projects…I just cannot put into words how relieved I will be once this semester is finished though. I feel like the finish line is so close, yet so far, and that is what is killing me. I have sincerely enjoyed my classes this semester, but I am ready for them to be done. I just need a break. I need sleep again.

The funny thing is that whenever I tell other BYU students that I am taking four classes, they all tell me how lucky I must be for taking that few of classes. I mean what?! It just bugs me that even thought I might not be taking ten classes, I can still struggle with things. I have my own personal battles and complications, so judging whether or not I have it easy based off of how many classes I am taking is a little crazy, and quite frankly a bit shallow. It’s hard for me to have and “easy” time when I am not one hundred percent invested in all of the subjects I am taking and have a lot of things going on at home. I also get that there must be a lot of students who have crazy busy schedules, but I don’t think I should be written off as having an easy time just because I am taking four classes. I guess that is what I get for going to a prestigious school: being constantly surrounded by lots of crazy smart and academic people. Oh well, I suppose that there will always be people like that.

Biology

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I feel like I can’t make a lot of progress in choosing what to do because I keep second guessing my interests and ultimately my abilities to do well in what I choose to do. For example, for the longest time I thought it would be cool to do graphic design like my dad. But after having my graphic design job on campus, I don’t know if I could make it a career. It is definitely an enjoyable thing for me to do, but I don’t know if I could devote myself to it.

Currently, I am quite interested in Biology. Just the overall concepts of Biology intrigue me. After taking BIO 100 and enjoying it all, I am thinking of taking more Biology classes. Currently, I am signed up to take Environmental Biology in the Fall. I am super excited for that class; the teacher has really good ratings, the subjects the class will go over are fascinating, and I think it would be a cool way to see how useful it is to understand Biology in order to better understand our world. I just hope this class won’t turn into one of those classes where I think I will enjoy it, but then it turns out to be my least favorite class––that seems to have been the case this last semester. *sigh*

Change

I am always tired. I feel so burnt out all of the time. And the worst part of it all is that it will probably get worse as the end of the semester approaches. Bah. I just want this semester to be over and done with already. I am ready for my Spring/Summer break. So. Ready. I am especially ready to be able to get enough sleep and not turn into my version of Mr. Hyde late at night when I am stressed and working on school assignments. I need my sanity back. Please.

Before this semester ends, I think I might want to apply to a new job. Today I saw a job posting for a graphic designer position at the Family and Home Social Sciences office. They have much better pay than what I am currently receiving, I think they would be more artistically freeing, and I think a change of scenery could be good. I just never know if I should take chances on things like this and try something new and risky. But I guess nothing great comes from staying in your comfort zone. And I really have nothing to lose if I were to apply. So, we will have to see what the future holds.

Meet the Mormons

So, today we had an actual dinner guest. Lexi and Aaron moved back to Provo because Aaron took a job working for his friend since he started his own [successful] business. Currently there are only five employees, including Aaron. One of the employees, Nolan, moved from Boston to Provo in order to work with them. Nolan graduated from MIT with a degree in Mathematics and Statistics––crazy smart. He is also not a member of the church. And since he is new in town, he doesn’t have any friends. So Aaron invited him over to have dinner with us and have some friends to hang out with.

However, about an hour before Nolan showed up, Aaron coincidentally told me that he invited a friend to dinner. What?! The house was in disarray and I wasn’t sure that I prepared enough food to feed ten people. First we began to clean. Lex, Aaron, Chris, Mom and I were all cleaning up a storm. Amazingly, after about thirty minutes, the house looked quite spic and span. Usually it takes me about two hours to clean everything by myself, but it was wonderful to have help. Then Nolan arrived.

Remarkably, we had enough food. In fact, we had left overs. After dinner, we all decided to play the card game “Bang!”. Nolan had never played it before, so we taught him how, and I think he enjoyed it. It really was a delightful evening. I just hope we didn’t weird him out as we are some of the first Mormons he has ever met. But he was very gracious dinner guest, was fun to play the card game with, and even brought some ice cream to share. All in all, I think it was a successful night.

Cats on Leashes

Oh man, today Lexi and Aaron took their kitties outside on their leashes. I swear, their cats are some of the most domesticated cats I have ever known. Felix only lasted about ten minutes outside before running up to the door and running inside the house. Didot on the other hand, was quite curious. But she was easily frightened by any sound whatsoever. Whenever she got spooked, she ran to her favorite hiding place: under the prickly evergreen tree. It was terrible to try and get her out from under that tree. It is a small tree that is low to the ground, so trying to drag a terrified cat out from underneath can prove to be a nightmare. Especially when she wraps her leash all around the base of the tree. Goodness. Eventually, however, we got Didot out from under the tree, brushed the sharp needles off of her and went back inside.

Felix was funny in that the moment he got back inside, he ran to the litter box to relieve himself. I suppose the thought never crossed his mind that he could go to the bathroom outside…that crazy cat. Didot was a little bit shaken up, but she was fine. I just don’t think we will be taking them outside again any time soon.