Satan's Influence

Satan is good at what he does. If he wasn't good at it, then everybody would be perfect in this mortal state. I've known many people who have been angry at God for allowing them to face difficult temptations, addictions, or loss. I know, because I have felt that way before. While we talk about God knowing us so well, I think that Satan knows us really well, too. I don't know that he knows as much about us as God does, but he knows us enough to know our weaknesses. Our weaknesses are our breaking points––the faulty parts of ourselves we give in to too often. And the sad thing is that it is easy to give up and fall into his traps. It's easy for us to disregard our potential and take the lazy options that require no effort but give easy satisfaction. It's only human to want to take the easy route. And that's why God encourages us to do the harder rights rather than the easier wrongs––He wants us to transcend this mortal state and become something better. Only then can we partake of the eternal happiness that is promised to us by God. But it's just so difficult to always keep that perspective and  remember what God wants for us. Like I said before, Satan is good at what he does. But God is better. With God's help, we can recognize the worthwhile things and ultimately become who we are meant to be––perfect sons and daughters of God. I know that to be fact.

Confidence

Confidence is a simple idea but is one of the hardest things to master. Every single person on earth struggles at some point in their life with confidence. But why? Why is it so hard to choose to be confident? When we look at little children, they are some of the most confident individuals around. They speak bluntly, wear non-fashionable things like its the new trend, and make friends with whoever they choose to befriend. When did we begin to loose that confidence we had as children? When did we become self-conscious? The interesting thing is that God “hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”(2 Timothy 1:7-8). So why do we experience fear and doubt our capabilities?
We like to think that if we know a subject really well, we should be able to speak confidently about it. But that’s not always the case. For example, members of the LDS church who love the Gospel, and know the Gospel truths through-and-though can still be too scared to share its messages. I just want to know why we all care so much about what others think over what God thinks. We are too easily distracted by the physical, tangible and present things that face us that we forget about the importance of what God thinks.
Turning one’s life around from being shy and doubtful to being confident is extremely hard. That internal battle we all face is a very real struggle. But if we take that leap of faith by saying or doing whatever things we would never think to do due to a lack of confidence, there can only be good things to come of it. Whether it is easily accomplished and well-received by others or not, it is a stepping stone to achieving our potential and ultimate happiness.

Harder Semester

*Update to yesterday’s grumpy Mr. Hyde: I slept for 13 hours straight and am now feeling okay.*

This rain is absolutely divine. Whenever I think of the type of weather that puts me in the right mood, it is rain. I just love the idea of sitting out on the porch, smelling the delicious rain, taking in all of the luscious green plants, and simply relaxing to the sound of the raindrops falling and the thunder crashing. It’s just the best.

I’m not really sure what else to talk about. I am feeling really stressed about having to study for finals and finish a few last assignments. This semester has been making me feel a little more frantic than last semester. I don’t know what it is, but I seem to feel more anxious on a regular basis. I guess that last semesters’ classes were more laid back. Especially with the finals. I honestly didn't feel stressed at all about taking any of those finals. I thought it was quite fun, really. But this semester has me wishing that I could just disappear. Don’t get me wrong: I have had some amazing moments this semester, but I think that these classes have had more of a serious, heavy feel than last semester. Let’s just say that I will be relieved once finals week is over.

A Couple of All-Nighters

I have pulled all-nighters for the past two nights in a row. I have never felt so “yer9qpwehfaisupcgfpqhh” before in my life. I highly recommend not doing it. My emotions have been all over the place. Usually whenever I get tired, I turn into my own form of Mr. Hyde and things can get pretty scary. Staying up for two nights in a row, and running off of only a few hours of sleep from power naps, I have consistently been in my Mr. Hyde mode. The thing with my Mr. Hyde side, though, is that I don’t really direct my anger at other people as much as I do at myself. When I get really tired but still have a lot of homework assignments to do, or something of that sort, I begin to beat up on myself. So for the past two days, I have been directing my negative, grumpy emotions toward myself. And it has been heck. Being like this has made it hard to focus on finishing my different school assignments and preparing myself for finals. All I want to do is be grumpy and not doing anything. I just really need a nap. I just got back from my second job so now I am going upstairs to my bed and my head is going to hit my pillow. Hard.

Writing 150

School is almost over. I can’t believe that I almost have two semesters under my belt––time really does fly by. I must say that I think this semester has been a bit trickier than last, but I honestly do think that my favorite class was Writing 150. Seriously though. I enjoy writing, but am not that great, so this class has really helped me develop as a writer. At the beginning of the semester on the first day of class, I felt intimidated. I thought that it would be my least favorite class and that it would make me hate writing even more. But once I got home from school that day, I just couldn’t shake this feeling that it would be great. I began to be quite excited, actually. Because of that, I stayed in the class, and oh boy am I glad that I did. I haven’t had such an enriching writing class before in my life. Before this class, I had always wanted to better develop my wiring skills but never knew what to do. Having the requirement to keep a daily journal has really helped me. Same with the weekly digital dialogues. Writing this often has really strengthened my skill as a writer and has given me valuable practice that I never would have thought of doing on my own. All in all, I am very grateful that I decided to stay in this class.

Sleeping In

The beginning to my day was a little bit crazy. I fell asleep last night after finishing my Russian essay and then I woke up at six, but then realized I could sleep for another hour before I would have to get up for my Book of Mormon class. So, I fell back asleep without setting an alarm, which was the fatal mistake. I woke up when the grandfather clock struck eight o’clock, and instantly panic set in because my Book of Mormon class started at eight! This was the first time I have slept in past a class in college! I finished submitting my Russian essay, quickly got ready, and had Chris drive me to school so I wouldn’t be even more late. And thankfully, despite my wort fears, once I got to class, things were okay. I just hope nothing happens like this during finals week. That would be a nightmare if I missed a final. I also have my physical science final at seven am one day, so hopefully I will be able to make it…

Well…I currently have a headache but still need to finish writing some papers for my classes. All I can do now is just keep going. This semester will end soon enough…

Easter

Happy Easter! Today has been a good day, I think. Mom invited a family friend, Sherrie Spencer, over to have dinner with us since her house is undergoing some crazy renovations. Dinner took a long time to prepare since I had to warm up a ham in the oven for seriously three hours, took an hour and fifteen minutes to cook the au gratin potatoes, and several hours to complete a six-layered chocolate salted caramel cake. The dinner was quite delicious though. And we actually got all of the recipes from Martha Stewart’s website. The funny thing is that all of her recipes have low ratings around three starts on average and all of the comments complain about how much they hate them. However, I still have yet to ever make a bad recipe from Martha Stewart. But seriously, I love all of her recipes.

Whew, that was a big tangent. Well, after dinner we all watched the movie “The Force Awakens” since Aaron bought it from RedBox for $4 since they were getting rid of their old movies. I actually really like that movie. I haven’t seen “Rogue One” and I don’t know if I want to. I’ve heard a lot of mixed reviews about it. Anyway, today has been pretty low-key which has been nice to take a break from all of the stress that comes at the end of the semester. But tomorrow all of that stress will return…